- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
- What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
- What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
- Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
- What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
- How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
- What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
- What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
- Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
- Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
- Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
- Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
- Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
- Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
- What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
- Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they’re always stuffed!
- Why did the tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal.
- If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
- Why couldn’t the pony sing? Because she was a little hoarse.
- Where do cows go for entertainment? The mooooo-vies!
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
- How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
- Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!
- What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite candy? A Mars bar.
- Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
- Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
- What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie? A pie-thon!
- Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
- What’s the most musical part of the chicken? The drumstick.
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.
- How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat? When it’s full.
- What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
- Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
- What do you call a group of disorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
- Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school.
- How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.
- Why are ghosts good cheerleaders? Because they have a lot of spirit!
- What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
- Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.
- Why did the school kids eat their homework? Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake.
- Why are hairdressers never late for work? Because they know all the short cuts!
- What is the difference between a teacher and a train? One says, “Spit out your gum,” and the other says, “Choo choo choo!”
- Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
- What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library, because it has so many stories.
- How do trees access the internet? They log in.
- What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.
- Why did the painting go to jail? It was framed.
- Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.
- Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
- Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your type.”
- Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.
- Why should you knock on the refrigerator before opening the door? In case there is a salad dressing
- When is a door not a door? When it is ajar
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